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Mom’s full time occupation now is to provide fruit/juice/bland food/rasgullas (sterilized by boiling and re-cooling) to her ailing child. Helping her in this mission is a variety of maids, who are auditioning for a position in our household these days. A new specimen presents herself everyday, and gets hell for not meeting mom’s stringent standards for maids, as laid down in the “Complete encyclopedia of excellent maid conduct”, published by my mom in fifteen volumes of three kilos each.

And with that I earn a one-way ticket to hell for my devilish digs at mom at this juncture.

So anyways, one Bong maid turns up one day to work in our house. The next day, she does not show up (offence punishable by immediate termination vide Law 13a.34.f.) Later the next day, she turns up and mom screams as soon as she opens the door:

“What has happened to you! You look ill! You have a fever! Your eyes are yellow! You have! Omigod! You know what you have? What is it called in Bangla when you have fever and yellow eyes?”

The maid said groggily, “jaundice”.

For the record, I have nothing to do with it. She’s had it longer than I’ve been in the city. And in any case, passing on debilitating diseases to the maid is punishable by death in my house.