"Nothing new is happening in this movie. Let's watch the match instead."
These would have been the final words of Mr Husband Man had there not been other people in the room that day. Three minutes into a film, he was bored beyond endurance , and itching to get back to the edge-of-the-seat, nail-biting, handkerchief-strangling, abuse-yelling and chair-smashing action of…… a test match.
With every ounce of self control in my voluminous body, I channelized my murderous age into an animated performance of "WHAT THE BEJEESUS DO YOU THINK IS NEW IN A TEST MATCH???? ONE GUY IS THROWING A BALL, ONE GUY IS HITTING IT WITH A BLEDDY STICK AND EVERYONE IS RUNNING AROUND OVER AND OVER AND OVER, OVER AFTER OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" All this was enacted with violent yelling, arm flailing, and crazy hair flying. That was better than the movie and the match, performance-wise.
Many people who are not cricket buffs share homes with those who love the game. Even TV series wrap up before the IPL and new ones tempt you in the ad breaks to become addicts when your evenings become meaningless after the league matches. The folks in office follow every ODI on cricket websites and yell each time something happens, causing you to spill coffee on your keyboard. All that is fine. But a test match? Even Sachin's wife does not have to watch a test match instead of a George Clooney film! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! (Ok, the last test was kinda fun when we whooped SA and retained the ICC ranking, but that's RARE)
Meanwhile, if you want to know the latest score of a Lahore Zoo vs. Amritsar Zoo match, ask my husband. If you want to know who's the 21st man for the Kolkata Knight Riders, ask my husband. If you want to know who's playing Hong Kong and Holland in their March 2052 triseries, ask my husband. If you want to know any of this, however, you are probably a test-match watcher, and WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??