I went looking for some stock photos for work today. I needed close-ups of business people, with various face expressions. The scenario was basically:
A: Your performance is not up to the mark. You’d better do something
B: But I thought I was doing well
A: You are not. This is serious.
B Ok Boss!
So I searched for Executive/Corporate/Face/Portrait/Closeup on various photo sites, and here are my conclusions:
1. Executives are the bonded slaves of technology. Pictures of offices have people peering into their monitors, talking into their cellphones, or peering into their cellphones while talking into their monitors. If I use these, I’ll have to modify my scene:
A: (on the phone) Hey B! You’re about to be fired!
B: (on phone) No kidding! I quit already!
B: Last year!
A: What? I’ve been making your reports for a year! You’ve been doing better than three other chaps!
B: What software do you use?
A: Hey B! How come you still have the official phone connection?
B: I work for the phone company now!
A: No kidding! Do they have an opening?
2. Most women executives are also whores. If they wear that short red dress to work everyday and sit like that on the chair, I am sure all the chaps in their office want to work under them. Enough said.
A: Err, Ms B. There is a problem.
B: (Languishing in her chair) What is the problem, honey bun?
A: You are about to be sacked for your poor performance.
B: Ahaan? I thought talking about poor performance was a taboo (wink wink)
A: To hell with it! I’ll make up your sales figures. What are you doing tonight?
3. Looking for group pictures is not helpful either. People are wither walking Ocean’s Eleven-style down the road:
A: Hey B. You’re about to be fired.
B: Let’s rob three casinos owned by the bastard who stole my wife
A: Ok. I’ll put in my papers tomorrow.
Or they are making out in official suits! What kind of conversation do I make them have when their tongues are down each other’s throats?
A: (Thinking) Why the hell would I tell him he’s being sacked?
B: (Thinking) If this can keep me from being sacked…
4. There are always the funnies. People with Post-its all over their clothes, or paper clips on their noses, hitting their heads against monitors.
A: Err, B. You finished the staple supply of the entire office making yourself a new suit. You will be fired.
B: I can’t hear you. I got superglue in my ears.
So basically, I will have to get my graphic designer to make sketches and charge my client for his time.
Or maybe we can change the scenario: Let A and B have a costume party after which they can stick their tongues down each other’s throats. The sacking can wait.