Deactiving in 3...2...1...

Am on long leave from work, and after a long walk, housework, cooking and a hot bath, I feel drowsy in a lazy dog kind of way every afternoon. However, a nap remains a dream, as all the 20 kids who live in my building have Christmas break at school, and are spending their time not in front of the TV like good kids should (powercuts) but playing in the stairwell and the parking lot. Their favorite game is what I think must be called Banshee Banshee, which involves running up and down screaming at the top of their voices for no apparent reason.
Their other form of entertainment is ringing the bell of the haunted house in our building: the one that's shut almost all the time, emits no sound, and seems to be possessed by ghosts. Nobody ever seems to visit it. You guessed right. Ten times a day I answer the door too late to catch the evil little imp who would have a very red behind to show mommy if he/she did not run fast enough! Aaaargh!
So I thought someone from God's head office was doing an internship at the Times Of India when I saw this headline:


Alas, it WAS a typo. But think, how nice it would be if kids could be switched to hibernate mode for a couple of hours every day!

Update: They rang the bell today at 4pm, and I got a bad crick in my neck from getting up too suddenly! But later I overheard this conversation as I observed them from the peep hole:

Girl Aged 5: I am SICK of pizza

Boy Aged 3.5: I'm also SICK of pizza

Boy as much older than 2 as I am under it: I am thick of burger!

 

Slumdog Millionaire Jai Ho Lyrics & English Translation

UPDATE: HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY! JAI HO GULZAR AND RAHMAN!

(Music that makes you scratch your head and think of Baazi Lagaa from Guru, 00:28 seconds to be precise)

Jai Ho! ^n

Aaja aaja jind shamiyaane ke taley

Aaja zari waale neele aasmaane ke taley

Jai Ho! ^ n

Ratti ratti sachchi maine jaan gawayi hai

Nach Nach koylon pe raat bitaayi hai

Ankhiyon ki neend maine phoonkon se udaa di

Gin gin taarey maine ungli jalayi hai

Eh Aaja aaja jind shamiyaane ke taley

Aaja zari waale neele aasmaane ke taley

Baila! Baila!
(Dance! Dance!)

Ahora conmigo, tu baila para hoy
(Now with me, you dance for today)

Por nuestro dia de movidas,
(For our day of moves,)

los problemas los que sean
(whatever problems may be)

Salud!
(Cheers!)

Baila! Baila!
(Dance! Dance!)

Jai Ho! ^n

Chakh le, haan chakh le, yeh raat shehed hai

Chakh le, haan rakh le,

Dil hai, dil aakhri hadd hai

Kaala kaala kaajal tera

Koi kaala jaadu hai na?

Aaja aaja jind shamiyaane ke taley

Aaja zari waale neele aasmaane ke taley

Jai Ho! ^ n

Kab se haan kab se jo lab pe ruki hai

Keh de, keh de, haan keh de

Ab aankh jhuki hai

Aisi aisi roshan aankhein

Roshan dono heerey (?) hain kya?

Aaja aaja jind shamiyaane ke taley

Aaja zari waale neele aasmaane ke taley

Jai Ho! ^ n

So this is my good deed of the day. The Rahman/Gulzar/Sukhwinder combination delivers again. Was frankly disappointed with Yuvvraaj lyrics; Tu hi to meri dost hai sounds like Gulzar sahib on an exceptionally bad day. Have bugged all the music shops in Bangalore asking them when the SM soundtrack is coming. Apparently it's being imported via a Mr Godot.

Update: Thanks JpnDude for the Spanish section! Below is a loose English translation that murders the original Hindi. Apologies to Gulzar Sahib. Hope to post a link here when I find a good translation online.

Jai Ho =Something between “Hail” and “Hallelujah”

Come, come my Life, under the canopy

Come under the blue brocade sky!

Iota by iota, I have lost my life, in faith

I’ve passed this night dancing on coals

I blew away the sleep that was in my eyes

I counted the stars till my finger burned

Come, come my Life, under the canopy

Come under the blue brocade sky!

Taste it, taste it, this night is honey

Taste it, and keep it,

It’s a heart; the heart is the final limit

You dark black kohl

It’s some black magic, isn’t it?

Come, come my Life, under the canopy

Come under the blue brocade sky!

For how long, how very long

It’s been on your lips

Say it, now say it

The eye is downcast

Such lit up eyes

Are they two lit-up dimaonds(?) ?

Come, come my Life, under the canopy

Come under the blue brocade sky!

This December… Forget Filmmaking…Remember Marketing

In all those stills, he's holding his head wondering HOW the heck he's gonna save SUCH a dabba film with publicity. Apparently, there IS a way to sell anything and everything.

Anyway, have written alternate lyrics for Guzaarish to keep myself busy:

Main Distinction Tu Pass Pass

Par Naukri tere paas paas

Tujhmein aisa kya khaas khaas?

Hai Sifaarish!!!!!!

Just give a call to chachaji

Zindagi jhoom ke hansegi

Moti honge moti raahon mein

Yeah yeah yeah!

 

I hit the New Year on the head with an iron rod. Hope you fare better!

wO wO wO

nottuB nimajneB hctaw ot em koot ti sruoh flah a dna owt eht ni sraey derdnuh a dega evah I

Rice Rice Baby!

Ok! If there are any readers left, could someone please help me with this? I cannot find ideal all-purpose rice in Bangalore. By all purpose, I just mean stuff I can use for making boiled rice as well as the occasional pulao. I don't want basmati, because we eat rice frequently and basmati seems to be really unhealthy, and I don't want red/parboiled rice etc. either, because they don't work for us on a daily basis. (Palak dal with white rice: your average living-on-the-edge-with-a-safety-jacket diet).

For a long time, I just picked the Rs29.50/kg rice from the local Foodworld shelf (dumb ole me did not even check the name! I am the reason Gainda phenyl and Ship matches have amazing brand value! 29.50 rice indeed!) Now the inflation ruined everything and I cannot find the same rice. It might also be because Foodworld is on a mission to ruin my happiness on every possible level, but that's another story.

So I'm trying out various kinds of rice, and I invariably end up picking up Sona Masuri under different names and prices. And boy, when that rice boils, it smells….well, not very vegetarian (neither set of parents is gonna visit soon, my sixth sense tells me). Also, the pulaos and khichdis turn out quite flat.

So that's that. Any help is welcome. Preferably with some idea on where I can get the rice, and of course, no expensive solutions please!

Push Push Push

Women of my generation have the dark circles under their eyes. Most of us do, anyway. We look like those one or two photos of our mothers that were taken right after they gave birth to us/our siblings. Why do we look like we've just been through labour? Perhaps because we've been giving birth to and rearing a new world ever since we were kids.

We're the little girls who ran away from amla/coconut oil hair massages because the light and scented oils had appeared on the shelves. (Now we take hair colour tips from Penelope Cruz because hey! we're worth it). We're the young 'uns on whom Nestle has successfully conducted a mass experiment on the long-term effects of sustained Maggi intake. We're the first ones who took bread to school in out cute little tiffin boxes. Pepsi (more importantly Eff Pee) made sure we not only had cola, but high-brow and low-brow versions. The first McDonalds staff smiled into our impressionable faces, and from then on, there was no chatpata moong sprout consumed after school.

Cable TV debuted in front of our eyes, and thanks to the existence of the Middle East (Khushamadeed, if you're reading from there), we stayed up late nights watching incredible reruns of the incredible songs of whichever incredible Khan happened to catch our pre-teen fancies. We changed the new world's nappies over the night shift.

We chose from over 10 options for graduation, and then promptly took up jobs at the first MNCs...where night was day and day was, well, never quiet enough to be night. We tried, tested and certified the call centres as cool when they were all about pizza dinners and airconditioned-pick-up-and-drops. The new world was born while our parents slept, or gave themselves ulcers about wherer we were and what we were up to.

We made lactose intolerance, dieting, and migraines mainstream. That's no mean task, I assure you. And now we're thriving in a world where marriage is optional but a career is not, where you're present for the late night office party AND the morning meeting, hungover or not. Hey, we've even made cardiology a thriving business among a whole new target audience!

No kudos to us or anything. It's just how things have turned out for us in India. It's given us the biggest generation gap ever, a world of new experiences, lots of thrills, some heartburn, and yes, dark under-eye circles that only the best of bridal makeup magicians can conceal for a day.

Song: मंगल गृहणी

Needs to be sung with a slight Harvanyi touch.

चाहें baby हो या granny, औरत तू है मंगल गृहणी
घर में मरनी कुछ णा कैणी, औरत तू है मंगल गृहणी

खाना बरतन झाडू पोछा... इनसे आगे कभी न सोचा
हंस के यह ज़ंजीरें पैणी, औरत तू है मंगल गृहणी

सास का झाडू, पति के पेटी, माँ की गाली खाती बेटी
किसी से अपनी पीड न कैणी, औरत तू है मंगल गृहणी

Dirty Definitions

Soiled pants = Nature's missed call

Fart = Nature's SMS

It's 12:33am, and I should be in bed, reading Cloud Atlas till I doze off.

Overheard Last Night

At Gangaram's, MG Road, Bengaluru. 10 minutes before closing time.

Man with chit of paper in his hand: Do you have this book….expecting fathers…

World's least interested saleswoman: What?

Man: Expecting fathers….

Saleswoman: Fiction or non-fiction

Man: Non fiction

Me: cough cough splutter splutter

Getting My Goat…

The road to office is lined with bakras and bakris who're having a street party. They must be quite surprised at the sudden change in their fortune. Green goodies are being flung at them regularly and they're chomping away, merrily one assumes, since their expressions don't give much away. Perhaps their parents/cousins went to the city last year for the party. They were never heard from again.

If there were a way to keep a goat in a 1-bedroom apartment and prevent it from eating up your worldly belongings while you were at work, I'd have bought one today.

Hmm Hindustani

I have a new business plan. I'm going to be an AutoYogi. After over two years in Bengaluru, where the roads are rivers of yellow and black, I'm close to mastering the art of coping with autorickshaws. I can definitely whip up an audio-learning course with basic breathing exercises to tackle the stress of meters that tick a bit too fast, and the anxiety caused by a long string of autos that refuse to take you to your destination without extracting your day's salary. Available in mp3/mp4/wma/wtf and downloadable off the iTunes store.

Almost burst into tears when the Bharatbala rendition of the national anthem (the Siachen version) played in the cinema hall yesterday. I thought I was numb to it all.

Meanwhile India's battles against itself continue on the roads, where yesterday a non-Kannadiga passenger, obviously fleeced by her burly auto driver, was involved in a huge bye-lingual (two people speaking to each other in languages the other doesn't understand, so that they could as well bid communication bye bye) argument. The girl lost her cool finally and yelled at him: "Don't talk in that phonetic language!"

Bharat bhagya vidhaata…

Shush

We speak too much. Online, offline, and usually out of line.

Shut Up!

Behka main behka…

…ek hi nazar mein sab manzil-wanzil paayi!

J

Bee Are Bee

I is shlightly bishy and alsho shlightly tipshy becosh of liqueur chocolate that turned out to be not so subtle after all.

Big things are happening, or threatening to happen, so the blog is suffering. Thankfully it does not get cobwebby like the windows, fungussy like the balcony floor, or overridden with flying insects like Foodworld rice. So it's gonna be neglected some more.

 

 

How The US Elections Affect Life In India

Early this morning

Me: Wake up! I made tea for us!

He: Uh…Buh..Guh…Phhhh

Me: It's getting cold!

He: Hhhhhhh..Guh

Me: Look! Obama is winning!

He: Yay! Coming, coming!

By the way, what is "Change We Need" supposed to mean? It doesn't seem to make grammatical sense. Is it a corruption of The Change We Need? Or perhaps it is an excerpt from Yoda Speak: "Spent beyond our means we have. Around our heads our stocks crashing are. Change we need."

Thanksgivingy

Have become addicted to about 10 new blogs, which leaves me with no time or inclination to post on my own. Also going through a bad patch in the vocation department, and my facial screensaver is set to grumpy-grouchy.

Must list ten good things about life right now, to cheer up self:

1. Amazing Bangalore weather
   
2. Doting Husband
   
3. Wise Sister
   
4. Google Talk
   
5. Minesweeper
   
6. Air Tickets to Delhi (to be with parents)
   
7. Upcoming Diwali holiday
   
8. Feluda
   
9. Chocolate desserts at Barista and Coffee Day
   
10. Access to movies
    

This list is in no particular order, of course!

Kadva?

Dear Husband-Man,

Since you and I are both too militant for me to observe today's fast, let's just be careful to avoid accidents etc. Knowing your propensity for dreaming up stories and writing code in your head while you walk, I dedicate this song to you:

Babuji dheerey chalna

Karwa chauth pe gir na padnaa

Haan badey bhookey hain

Badey bhookey hain is raat mein

 

P.S.: With all due respect to the fasting ladies. Wish you and your loved ones a long and happy life.

Curious…

Remember how in the good ole days, when your mobile phone was lying next to your computer, the computer screen used to go all weird about two seconds before a call came? That no longer seems to happen! What has changed? The computers, the handsets, or the micro-waves???? Most puzzling!

A Non-Song

written around this time last year for a colleague who wanted me to write song lyrics for him. Goes to show I dunno how to write song lyrics.

पाँव थके तो हैं पर दीवाने भी तो हैं
जहाँ नहीं हैं रस्ते वहां बनाने ही तो हैं
उस धुंधली सुबह से जो वादे किए थे
चाँद डूबने से पहले निभाने भी तो हैं

तो चल के यह हसीं मंज़र तेरी मंज़िल नहीं
इस मोड़ तक आके जो रुक जाए वोह तेरा दिल नहीं
कुछ दूर अभी है अंजाम तेरे इस सफर का
ओ बाँवरे भंवर यह तेरा साहिल नहीं …

My Neanderthal (Great^100) Grandma Should Have Booked For Me...

This is the Czech Ministry of Foreign Affairs trying to help me find accommodation in Prague*

(The drop down list, of course contains two more years: 3909 and 3910.)

I don't think it is year 3908 according to some non-Gregorian calendar, unless they're also one day-of-the-week behind for some reason. It simply means that all hotels in Prague are full till Kingdom come, although there might be limited vacancy for the week before.

*Not going there anytime soon. I was window shopping for a vacation. Is that so bad?