Newsflash

London came under terrorist attack this morning. Three hundred and sixty five Indians aboard a flight from Delhi decided to bombard Central London with a strange substance that caused the city dwellers to cough, sneeze, rub their eyes raw, and wish they had never been born. Samples were collected and the MI6 has found that the lethal weapon was a traditional Indian sweet packed by Haldiram's, and commonly referred to as Soan Papdi. In the mouth, it tastes like ghee and besan needles, but in the eyes, nose, and throat, its flakes can cause damage such as inability to see the traffic signal while crossing the road, sneezing fits on first dates, and coughing up breakfast and lunch. Also, women who lovingly washed their hair in the morning were aghast to find the weapons of mass destruction entangled in their hair on returning to their rooms.

The three hundred and sixty five Indians, who demanded to be named but whose names could not be spelt, have said that they are innocent and their mandatory Soan Papdi packets are intact in their VIP suitcases. They accused the British authorities of insanity, saying that anyone who has no hope of going to India soon would never throw away his or her precious Soan Papdi, even if it would kill of half the Londoners and make queues at "Marks and Spencer Simply Food" shorter.

In unrelated developments, the plane tree that beautified winter London with its nakedness is now unleashing cute little furry brown darts that are flying all over the city and settling on every potential surface to make cushions for people whose sneezing fits make them fall down.